April 2017 Update

Buzzard 6

Okay… so I haven’t been feeling well at all as of late.  But when you walk outside your door and find a vulture perched on the top of the street light, right outside your house… flaunting his enormous wings… well… it might make one think that there is that possibility that he/she is more ill than anyone had assumed. 

At first, even the kitties were frozen in the front yard.  But after a few minutes of staring at what looked more like a pterodactyl on a light pole… they began creeping slowly toward the giant flying ogre.  The fur along their spines standing straight up… their tails fuzzed out to the size of their whole bodies… their huge eyes locked on something they had never before seen.  Then… it happened… the alien being with wings swooped down to the center of the street… appearing at least three times the size of the biggest kitty (Bennie)… now creeping ever so slowly… in complete silence… toward the humongous beast.  Another kitty joined him… a tiny female (Petals)… moving so low to the ground that there was no space between the grass and her body… then another joined (Gracie)… All three closing in from different directions… attempting to surround this Beelzebub that had dropped into their territory most assuredly… uninvited. 

I called to them… their ears flipped back in the direction of my voice… then quickly returned upright toward the predator…  but not one of them moved a single muscle… eyes entranced upon the beast of prey.  I called them each by name… but I was ignored completely.  I raised my voice a bit and reminded them of what I have always taught them to consider… ‘before’ doing not smart kitty things… like investigating unknown creatures…  I asked them… Have you guys forgotten about that old saying… “Curiosity killed the cat?”  They continued their approach in complete disregard.  I believe I heard one them make a shhh sound and quietly whisper… Be quiet dad… this is a kitty thing and there’s just nothing you can do to stop it.

I heard a car coming down the street from east to west.  The vulture remaining in the middle of the road, displaying his complete arrogance and total lack of fear of the three fur balls… now only a few feet away.  I was certain that the passing car would cause him to fly away… but… NO… he stood his ground… the driver slowing the car to nearly a stop… then inching along the curb to avoid confronting the monstrous, flesh eating beast from the sky. 

The kitties kept inching closer and closer… now being joined by a fourth (Ollie), slithering in from the left flank.  I could no longer bear the possible consequences of what might happen… either way the confrontation turned out… it would make me sad.  I hollered… clapping my hands… the mountainous barbarian flew up into the top of the nearest tree. 

All four kitties instantly turned their heads in my direction… staring at me with big bright eyes… and being the cat whisperer that I am… I realized that they were all saying… in four part kitty harmony…  Really Dad?  You had to go and spoil the most fun we’ve had since the time we caught the family of skunks eating out of our cat food bowl?…………………….. Really Dad?………………..

They made me feel terrible… I spoiled their fun… curbed their curiosity… while… perhaps… saving them from harm… or perhaps… saving the ogre with wings.  As for me…?  Well… I just wanted to pet the unusual creature.  That’s just my nature.  I can’t help it.  I wanted to hold it in my arms and pet its odd looking head.  Maybe next time…

As you can see from the picture below… Hunting wild creatures can be quite exhausting…

After the hunt 3

And of course… Just in cast that pesty pterodactyl attempted a return to steal cat food or to wash it’s enormous beak… Gracie was standing guard in the bird bath.

Gracie's Tree

I have an appointment with my cancer doctor next week, so there may very well be another update very soon… but for now… I’ll share this.

The April update on my sorry health… 

I’m tired.  I’m just plain… tired.  I know what you’re saying to yourself… where is that Michael33 positive attitude… and of course… the ‘hope’…  What I have learned over the past few weeks and months is something that I really never understood… Why people with serious illnesses just give up the fight to survive.   Serious illnesses… over the long term…. can indeed cause one to just want to give up.  I am beginning to understand those that I have known that reached a point in their lives… with illness… dealing with chemo… with radiation… with pill after pill of medication… with all the negative effects that go along with every one of them… with one problem after another…  that just gave up the hope… gave up the will to keep going.  It does get very, very difficult to keep fighting.  There are those many moments where you just want to throw in the towel and say… “ENOUGH”!!!  I’m too tired to go another inch… to take another step… to get out of bed… still faced with all that “has” to be done.  Too tired to sleep.  Too much pain to rise from the bed and face the day… often… so sick that you don’t think that you will be able to take care of yourself, much less another… or… the kitties………

Yet… so far… I seem to always find a way to feed them… to care for them… to brush them… to love them… even when I don’t think I’m going to be able to get out of bed and make it to the coffee pot.  Usually the kitties make sure that I get out of bed.  Usually… very early in the morning, they begin walking on top of me… they put their noses against mine.  If that doesn’t work… they begin knocking things off of the bedside table or start digging the covers off of me until I finally realize that their persistence is not going to cease.  They depend on me to feed them… to take care of them… to love them.  I depend on them… to love me… and to give me a reason to get my lazy, tired ass out of bed every morning.

Love has most often come easy for me.  Namasté is a term I use often with great emotion from my heart and soul.  If you are unfamiliar with what it ‘truly’ means… please explore its meaning.  We don’t always have to love another for the things they do… We can truly despise what they do… yet still loving them for the light within each of them… for we are… truly… all one within this universe… and contrary to what some may believe… that very much includes all the innocent beautiful animals that live amongst us.  “We”… are all creatures of the universe and should be respected for that most beautiful reason alone.  The animals love us unconditionally… why can we not do that with one another?

I have always loved the animals… all of them.  That certainly has never been a problem for me in any form or fashion.  The kitties I now have around me are here for more reasons than just that I like kitties.  They have adopted me for one reason or another.  They have come in search of food… in need of care from abandonment…(by humans)… from abuse… (by humans)… from injury… (much of which was intentional… umm… by humans)… or from illness.  I have taken them in to care for them because my soul could not survive if I were to turn my back on them.  As a result… I have benefited in so many beautiful ways from the experience… They have endlessly expressed their love and gratitude to me throughout our shared existence.  Take a homeless animal in and care for it… provide medical care to one who is injured… feed one who is hungry… share your love with them as if they were a part of you… one with you… because that is exactly what they are.  Now… if we can just persuade human beings to treat other human beings and creatures of our universe in the same manner… perhaps we could actually have peace in the world.  Namasté!       

Don’t worry… I haven’t given up… and will never give in to these disgusting illnesses… not the heart disease… nor the cancer… nor the pneumonia… nor the collapsed lung… nor the fluid that squeezes my lungs so tightly that I cannot take a deep breath nor even laugh without choking… not the degenerative disc disease… not the fracture of the lower fibula of my right leg that often causes me to walk like a three toed sloth with a limp like Chester from “Gunsmoke”. 

Getting old has not been a particularly easy experience.  It has been painful and I won’t go into it at this moment… but serious illness ‘does’ create so many emotions within oneself… mostly due to what it does to those around you… who love you. Where are those damned ‘Golden Years’ I’ve always heard about?  I see oldies on TV traveling all over the world… playing games like they were thirty something… taking Viagra and sitting in bath tubs at the beach… Okay… that never really made much since to me… If they’re so healthy and able… why are they in ‘separate’ tubs… and why would they need Viagra?…. and… I’d be willing to bet that both of them needed help getting out of those deep tubs… otherwise… they’d probably be in a different commercial… crying… “Help!  I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.”

As you can see… there is one thing that I “have” been able to hang on to… my sense of humor… Perhaps my ‘humor’ is not golden… perhaps it is often in shades of gray… but it is there… and in the laughter and the love… I have found the reason… the reason to never give up the “Vision of Hope.” 

Thanks to all of you who have dropped by… who have taken the time to click the “like” button… and a very special thank you to those who have so compassionately left me with their comments of encouragement, their insight… shared their hugs, their light, their healing… with a stranger whom they have never met…  To all of you… my sincerest and most humble gratitude!

Gracie Namaste


Victim of the Storm

How am I doing?  Ummm… let’s just say… as well as could be expected.  There has mostly been no changes to note.  The pneumonia and inflammation of the lungs is lingering and I have grown tired of antibiotics.  Continuous antibiotics is definitely not good for the immune system… although mine remains in a compromised state.  It seems doctors just keep prescribing them to rid me of the pneumonia… which is obviously more persistent than the antibiotics or just doesn’t give a $#!T about responding in the normal manner.  Yet I wander through my home… thankful for every shingle that keeps me dry… for hot water in which to ease the pain of my aging bones… for an antiquated heating system that continues to warm the air that surrounds me… for at least semi-clean water to wet my endlessly dry mouth… and for a mind that remains in undulation tween here and there… with a most curious and adventurous balance between this world and that of another… and the ability to write… to express my emotions… my thoughts… my gratitude to the universe… upon these pages… even if left unread for eternity… and to you.  There are very few eyes that have wandered these pages… so if you are in the process of reading this… you have become one of specialness… You have brightened the day of one who lingers in the twilight… and helped me to find the will to enjoy the dawning of a new day.

Severe heart disease does not just vanish in the wind.  Cancer mostly claims the life of its victims at some point, but then… there are times of healing that are not fully understood… perhaps existing somewhere between coincidence and miraculous.  I have been very fortunate to have witness several miracles within my life time… and I thank you for having been a part of those miracles.

For those of you who have wandered this journey alongside me… taken me by the hand and led me into the light… blessed me with your prayers… with your kindness… your compassion… the empathy that you have felt so profoundly within your heart… I thank you with all my heart and soul.

Please allow me to wander from my ailments… my pain… fate of circumstance… and linger in the light of what I am so very thankful for… the poem and picture I have posted this morning… was posted on my poetry site a year and a half ago… yet its relevance is expressed most wonderfully by what occurred in my little corner of the world… during the early morning hours…

5:30 a.m. Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Springtime… “In like a lion”…

What a storm.  I haven’t even been outside as of yet to assess the damage.  I was lucky… only straight line wind of 70 miles per hour or perhaps a bit more… or about 112 kilometers per hour.  At just before one in the morning, the sound through the bedroom walls and windows was more like some enormous jetliner making an emergency landing on the bed.  The kitties all abandoned me and ran for shelter beneath the couch, chairs and tables.  I suppose it was just a ‘welcome to springtime’ greeting card from Mother Nature to the southern plains.  Although I am awaiting the dawn to wander into the great outdoors to have a look around… I know that there are those who suffered much greater damage than I.  Just a few miles away, a tornado practiced take offs and landings across a stretch of the state… spreading its wrath across nearly a hundred miles… with hail the size of softballs falling at a rate of approximately 100 miles per hour.  Now… I guess we know who it was that cast the first stone.

Although this poem has been posted previously on visionofpoets.wordpress.com… I feel that it is of most importance to post this morning on a site that exists to spread the light to others.  My heartfelt sorrow.. my compassion… my empathy for those who lost their lives in this storm… those who lost someone they loved… for those who lost their homes… their memories… I am deeply humbled and saddened…


Victim of the Storm

Today I saw a rainbow’s birth
In half-light of the dawn
Briefly blush its hues of grace
Ere breath of nature’s yawn

A raindrop gently touched my face
My eyes could taste the mirth
As if I wandered through the dreams
That linger in my berth

The storm blew in from psychic throes
As rainbows fade to gray
While sagely voices speak of truths
From neath the crimson clay

A raven came to muse my mind
While distant thunder rolled
And whispered words of prudence bare
To ‘nevermore’ be told

The tempest seized its vapored vaunt
And raged in mortal bloom
A vortex into heaven’s gate
Passed through the darkened brume

All truths of which were ever known
Poured through the souls in wait
Enlightening their marrow’s poise
For those who tempted fate

Then silence fell on huddled hearts
While love cast shadows bare
Swallowed tears from vagrant grace
Transposed the stoic stares

Today I saw a rainbow’s birth
In hues of setting suns
Briefly blush its hint of hope
That death was left undone

A drop of rain wept down my cheek
My lips could taste the mirth
As if I wandered midst the muse
That lingers in my berth



Update, February 2017

It is February… it must be time for an update on my physical and perhaps… mental confusion… umm… I mean condition.  I must start by saying that at this time last year… I was just finishing up the radiation treatments on my lung… so I have made it through a whole year without additional radiation… which I am sure that my body is happy about and I am most certain that my mental state is pleased as well.  The burned area of skin on the back has healed but remains visible as a darkened red area against my normally pallid skin.  The main improvement to that area is that ‘it doesn’t hurt any more’…

Now… the inside of that right chest area is of course a different subject all together.  I am still experiencing difficulties with breathing… with pain in the rib cage and lung area.  I am still plagued with pneumonia and symptoms thereof… basically since June of last year… with inflammation of the lining of the lung and symptoms thereof… with about a third of that lung remaining in its collapsed state… and symptoms thereof… It remains difficult to breathe deeply… especially without pain… coughing and sneezing also causes pain.  Shortness of breath is quite prevalent nearly all the time but amplified with even some light exertion… (I can’t sing loudly any more… so that is probably a benefit for my neighbors).  Some of the symptoms had subsided (mainly dealing with pain in the chest and decreased coughing) while taking several rounds of antibiotics… but it seems that once those medications wear off… I am back to the same symptoms.  The cough had improved for a couple of weeks but is now more prevalent again.  I am unable most of the time to clear my throat, as it feels as though there is… well… we’ll just call it ‘something’… hanging around the area of the larynx.  I can seldom get it cleared… even hot liquids don’t help.  Sometimes I cannot speak after remaining quiet for a long period of time or my voice sounds garbled, like some kind of alien being… Hmmm… maybe I am.  I choke frequently.  I choke on food and on liquids.  There are times where I am not sure I will recover from the choking spells.  Doctors don’t seem to want to discuss this for some reason.  I’m not sure why… perhaps I should just confront them and ask… Why the hell don’t you address this choking and clogged up throat.  Maybe they don’t find it significant enough to “waste” their precious time on… or perhaps there is very little that they can do about it. Maybe if they choked every time I did… they would see it in a different light.  I suppose it is all due to damage of that area of the throat from the previous radiation therapy.

So… let’s boil it down… I cough… I choke… I can’t clear my throat… my chest hurts continually… I’m always short of breath… and I can’t do shit.  (sorry… but it seemed appropriate)  Oh… and extremely hard (and loud) hiccups occur every time I eat and often when I drink… even water.  Trust me… You don’t want to go out to dinner with me… unless you have a really warped sense of humor… like mine.

The heart is certainly still an issue.  My cardiologist advised me that if I had arrhythmias on an everyday basis… that we will address the issue.  I told him I have many arrhythmias every minute of every day… he said… without looking up from his computer… see you in three months.  He never listened to my heart while I was there.  (Is he ‘really’ a cardiologist?)  He supposedly listened to my lungs and advised me that they sounded clear… with a very current CT scan that shows pneumonia… collapsed lung… and inflammation of the lung lining… an echocardiogram that was done that very morning that indicated the chambers beating out of sync… and multiple symptoms…  What planet is he from anyway?  Perhaps ‘he’ is the alien being.

Before you say it… I am searching for a new one.  I realize that he is lacking in sufficient knowledge of his field of practice.  I was transferred to him when my ‘good’ cardiologist retired.  I won’t go to the VA cardiologists because… well… it’s a rather long story… but I have been to them on several occasions and their form of treatment is to send you to someone else… and I don’t travel well and they know that.   They just pass you around until you give up the fight.  To use a word that you may have read earlier in this post… they really don’t give a shit… and to the Veteran’s Administration… I’m not sorry for saying that… You should be ashamed of what you do… and what you don’t do.  I am saddened by those veterans who have suffered far more than I… and haven’t the means to go elsewhere.

Well….. wasn’t that little story an enlightening adventure.  Where is that sense of humor that I profess to maintain through all this stagnation?  Don’t worry… it is still here… except most of my sense of humor as of late is spent laughing at myself.  Damn I’m old.  Every morning I look into the mirror I see an old man that is at least twice as old as I am.  I don’t know what he thinks he is doing by peering at me from inside that mirror… but I wish he would stop making those funny faces so early in the morning.  He has a very warped sense of humor.

I must tell you what prompted this update… It was what I found outside my door… bathing in the late afternoon sun… snuggling close to the stone doorstep… absorbing the warmth on an unseasonably warm February day.  My first thought as I observed it standing proudly within it’s ‘beautiful-ness’… was that it was a most wonderful ‘vision of hope’… delivered to my doorstep from all of those who care… wandering through our universe and beyond… from those who have sent to me their warmest hugs… offered me their most heart felt prayers… shared with me their healing energies… brought so many smiles to my wrinkling face… and brightened my days and my every night.  I wanted to share your gift to me… your vision of hope… with all of you… and I offer you my greatest and most humble gratitude.


Today, the temperature is expected to set an all time record somewhere in the 80’s F.  It just “ain’t” right for February in the southern plains of America.  I’m wondering what spring storms may be lurking for April and May.

I do expect more of those little spring beauties to appear over the next few days and hopefully I will be able to capture their magnificence to share with you.  Although… my little inexpensive camera has oddities on the inside of the lens that is apparently not accessible to old men.

You know of course… I will not leave you without an adorable kitty pic.  This time it comes with a bit of a message for us all….

A little background on Mr. Miracle.  When he appeared on my doorstep as a kitten of only a few weeks old… he was suffering drastically from malnutrition… dehydration… a very large sore at the base of his tail that was terribly infected… his entire body covered with oil and dirt.  He was a mess… a very, very sick kitten… His name came about by the fact that the vet proclaimed it a miracle that he was even alive.  As you can tell… he has found wellness and endless amounts of love in his current environment… His message to all of us… is this…

“You must learn to live and love within the moment… whatever the circumstances you find before you… even if your cardboard box is a bit too small.”


Wishing you all a most beautiful day…


Miracle and Michael33

PET results December 2016


I know this is a long post… longer if you delve into the beautifully detailed images of my innards.  If it gets too long for you… leave for a while and come back later… my ‘hits’ counter will love it.  Either way… thank you for being here.

Okay… from the pic above, I’m sure you can surmise that my most recent scan found a couple of varmints and a half eaten heart living inside me.  I must first let you know that I do not have a copy of the report in my hand at this moment and I am relying totally on the short summation I received from the doc.  Personally… I think that doctors should read any report they receive from procedures they ordered in their entirety to the patient.  If my mind had been where it should have been at the time, I would have asked her to do so.  I didn’t… My mistake.  I am currently awaiting the arrival of a copy of the report from the prompt and dependable United States Postal Service.  Since I will probably take a few days to write this during the holidays… perhaps the report will arrive before it is posted.

I’d like to begin with the ‘good’ news.  The report from the most recent PET scan indicates that there are no ‘new’ areas that are glowing in the dark.  That is indeed… very good news.  The rest of the report… which I regrettably must say is lacking in its quality and quantity… mostly due to my own un-thinking while with the doctor.  I would imagine that there are many of us who have left the doctor’s office… gotten only a short distance away… and said, “Damn… I meant to ask about that”… In my case… I made it all the way home after several errands before the questions started pouring in.

What ‘was’ discussed at the office was the pneumonia and the concern by the doc that my lung had not re-inflated by now.  She indicated that usually they will re-inflate in a matter of a few weeks and that mine was… of course… evidently… an exception.    Although she did not indicate in any way that I could have been… at least partially to blame… for not doing all that could be done to help it re-inflate, I’m fairly certain she must have been rolling her eyes and thinking… “idiot”…, but was just too kind to say so.  After all… I did refuse to try the steroids she recommended… I didn’t use the little plastic breathing apparatus that she so generously gave to me to use, because… it just didn’t seem like it was doing anything worthwhile at the time.  So perhaps I should just go ahead and stamp “Idiot” on my forehead and be done with it.


Prednisone in small doses is probably safe for most patients.  H o w e v e r… as mentioned in previous posts, the rhythm of my heart is the perfect example of discontinuity in its extreme.  Three evenly spaced heart beats in a row is a very unusual experience for me.  Extra beats, skipped beats, stuttering beats… along with a bit of A-fib… well… that is my “normal” rhythm.  Then we’ll throw in the fact that the firing mechanism has moved from the right atrium to the lower… center portion of the heart… sometimes fires in the wrong direction and throws the chambers out of sync or causes the wrong chamber to beat first, throwing them all out of whack and pumps blood in the wrong direction.  I can’t even explain how that makes me feel.    ‘Out of whack’… that is a good definition of my heart rhythm.  Anytime I see a medication that indicates… ‘may cause arrhythmia’… well… I think you understand my concern.  The doc told me to break the pills in half and take an even lower dose, just to get a little of it into my system for the inflammation.  I’m still a chicken… my wings are flapping… Next thing you know… I’ll be pecking grains and seeds off the kitchen table… Oh… wait… I already do that.


There has to be a way to relieve the pressure within my chest to help the collapsed lung re-inflate.  I’ve seen where docs cut a hole in your side, between the ribs… and jab a tube through the hole to relieve the pressure.  Perhaps I could just jab a soda straw through my chest and that would relieve it.  So… I think that it boils down to this… how do I make my chest fart? 


Oh… wait… did I really just say that?  Sorry…

So the saga continues on whether or not to take the chance on the steroids at the expense of the heart rhythm.  Help!!!  Where is that medical research professional that would love to delve into my un-normal-ness?

I’m scheduled for an echo cardiogram next month… Should provide some entertainment for someone.  My current cardiologist (who inherited me because my excellent cardiologist whom I had for many, many years…and trusted completely… had the nerve to retire)… usually looks over the results of my echoes and just… well… grunts.  Yes… you read that correctly… I have a grunting cardiologist.  He also scratches his head and rolls his eyes up toward the ceiling as if looking for divine guidance.  Bless his heart… I always provide a wonderful challenge for all medical professionals that have to deal with me.  He’s a man of few words.

I know that my readers don’t care much for lengthy posts.  Most never make it through more than the first couple of paragraphs before they go clicking off into other directions of the wordpress world.  (in spite of my adorable kitty pics)  That’s okay.  I understand.  For me to read a really long post… it has to be quite interesting.  If you made it this far through this post, then you are one who must have found something of interest and I am honored that you are here.  My last post received six likes and two comments.  I would most likely discontinue posting on this site, except for the fact that those six individuals who ‘liked’ the post and the two very compassionate souls who took the time to comment… are very special people to me… and I thank you with all my heart… arrhythmias and all.

I will wait perhaps another day to post this, with hope that the scan report arrives and I can include it within this text.  Thank you for being here with me… Thank you for brightening my day.

Friday, December 30, 2016
The “official” results… 

Hmmm… Well… I received the copy of the scan report and as usual… I stand more confused than before.  Maybe that’s why the docs don’t automatically read these things to their patients.  There is a lot here… and I will attempt to keep this as short as possible.

Good news first…

No abnormal uptake in the head… well… we already knew that one… empty heads can’t absorb anything…

No “definite”?… focal areas of abnormal uptake in the neck… I don’t understand the ‘definite’ part of this statement…

Okay… the above is the good part… the ‘very’ good part… and what remains is a little of good and perhaps… not so good mixed together and separating one from the other has become a challenge for one of little knowledge… one that thought he had a little better understanding of reading results… both written and of the scan itself…

There is change of the median sternotomy… I know that is where the sternum has been surgically divided to allow by-pass or other surgeries that require access through the chest.  Mine has been wired back together… or something like that.  What it means to indicate that it has changed… I do ‘not’ know.

Calcified preaortic node is seen with uptake of 2.4… this one sounds a bit bad to me, but I have received no explanation of what it actually means.  I know it is in a bad spot and the fact that they assigned an uptake value… although relatively low… I must admit… seems a bit concerning.

Calcified nodes in the left hilum.  The hilum is the area of the lung where the blood vessels and nerves, etc. enter the organ.  I think… calcified nodes aren’t necessarily dangerous but tend to be more so in this area.

Coronary calcifications… That’s all it says… It gives no details, extent of calcification or explanations.

The consolidation in the posterior sulcus right lower lobe is again noted with uptake ratio of 2.2… I realize that this is a lower value… but also realize that on the previous CT scan of that area, there was ‘no’ uptake value indicated.

There is calcified granuloma in the left lateral sulcus.  I think this is probably fairly normal for a scan of an old coot’s lung…

Accumulation in both kidneys… Accumulation of what… beer?

Calcifications in the spleen.  Hmmm…

Diverticulosis coli… I’m not certain on this one… but I have been told… on occasion… that I am full of $#^!…  Perhaps this is just a confirmation of those accusations…

Mild uptake in the bowel.  Normal appendix.

“The” impression:

Wedge shaped area of pneumonitis in the right posterior sulcus showing a degree of uptake in addition to postradiation pneumonitis ‘or’ other pneumonia…  “Or”?

“My” impression:  Huh?

So here’s the deal… I am going to continue to consider myself as… at least… temporarily free of cancer… or at least of any cancerous areas that are of a major concern at this time.  The pneumonia seems to be sticking around for far too long and of course… it does take its toll over a period of time.  I’m tired of being so weak.  If it is caused by the radiation treatments… why am I being prescribed extended amounts of antibiotics?  Am I stuck fighting pneumonia forever?  The collapsing lung is something that I must work on.  I must find a way to become a better patient… to do what the doc suggests I do… after all… she’s just trying to help me get better.

I must add a comment about this report and the scan CD that I received.  On the envelope the disc was in, the correct name and DOB was indicated.  On the images and information within the disc, the DOB was incorrect.  Also… the statement on the report that the appendix was normal… well… my appendix was removed a couple of decades ago… Hmmm… does make one wonder… doesn’t it?

The result of all of this that lingers most profoundly in my mind is that there were no strongly glowing quasars found inside this antediluvian earthling.  The only things that glowed… glowed gently… like a candle burning softly… bringing a vision of hope to those who sometimes wander in the darkness. 

I remain in my state of positive thinking… with perhaps a bit of wonder… more than a couple of questions to ponder… and yes……… a most beautiful “vision of hope”.


“Petals and Ollie”



Partial Update… The Call… December 2016

Hmmm… Really?  That’s what you called to tell me the day after my PET scan?  That was pretty much my reaction to what I heard on the phone.  A serious, hurried voice telling me just like I always say I want it told… the truth and to the point.  However, I was surprised to hear the words I heard and had to ask her to repeat what she had said.   My doctor’s nurse then stated the exact same words she had already spoken in exactly the same way she had presented it to me the first time.  Firmly and precisely.  I actually thought that it was a bit… well… crudely stated… but later realized that although I have come to know everyone in this doctor’s office over the past three and half years, while on several occassions, around them five days a week for many, many weeks for treatments…  I shouldn’t expect anything other than ‘to the point’ professionalism.

The call was brief… hurried… and un-personal.  I hung up the phone and just stood in a bit of a daze with a bit of a puzzled look on my face exclaiming… “Wait……… What?”  I wasn’t given time to even ask any questions.  Perhaps that was my own fault due to the nature of the call.  The doctor’s office usually doesn’t call me after a PET or CT scan, they wait until my appointment… usually scheduled a few days afterward to advise me of the findings.  I won’t bring up the fact that some of the ‘hurried and un-personal’ parts of this call could have been precipitated by the fact that the receptionist informed me they would be closing in just a few minutes to have their Christmas party… before noon.  Oh… I wasn’t going to bring that up…

I had wandered away from home for a couple of hours, running a few errands, picked up a bite to eat… okay… I confess… it was something not good for me… but my mouth was ready for some of that spicy Louisiana chicken… yes… with fries.  I never claimed to always eat healthy.  When I returned home, the answer machine was frantically blinking to advise me that I had two messages awaiting my urgent response.  Stop laughing… I know I am one of the few souls left on the face of the earth that still actually has an answer machine on a home phone.  Two messages on my answer machine is a most unusual happening.  I immediately knew that something must be very important to have two messages awaiting my return after having been away from home only a short time.

So I placed my sinful food on the table and pushed the play button to pay the consequences of whatever emergency was awaiting my attention.  Both messages were from my doctor’s office to call them in a very serious voice.  Hmmm… My first thought was… the day after a PET scan and the doctor’s office calls twice telling me to call them is maybe… just maybe… something I don’t want to hear.  I was having a good day… well… for me it was a good day.  I didn’t really want to hear anything negative.  I hadn’t slept much the night before, my chest was hurting through to my back… I was short of breath to the point of having to take long deep breaths just to get enough air… the lymph nodes in my neck were excruciatingly painful… and I was weak to the point of wondering if I could get in and out of my car at the next stop.  Yes… it was still a good day.  I was able to get out of bed… I had made it to the coffee pot… and I was out in the fresh air… upright.  That… to me… “is” a good day.

So what was in that brief… hurried… un-personal phone call?  Here it is, nearly in its entirety and very close to word for word…

“We got ‘some’ of the results of your scan.  Your lung is collapsing and you have pneumonia.  The doctor is prescribing an antibiotic that you need to start taking immediately.  You need to cancel your appointment with the doctor who is standing in for your doctor next week and schedule an appointment with ‘your’ doctor after she returns.” 

Ummm… Okay…?

This was so far from what I expected that I was simply unable to speak.  Just… “Okay”… I can’t say that I wasn’t thinking, because my mind was going in so many different directions, it was just unable to form a complete and comprehensible  question.  However… since that time… I have formed many questions.  My right lung had already partially collapsed taking out about thirty percent of its capacity.  Is the rest of the lung following suit and collapsing completely?  Is that why I can’t breathe enough air to carry on a conversation?  Pneumonia?  Again?  How bad is the pneumonia?  Is it in both lungs or just one?  The antibiotic hopefully will help the pneumonia… but what can be done about the “collapsing lung”?  Is there anything that one can do to prevent a lung from collapsing?  Help!  I’m uninformed.  I never allow myself to be uninformed and I am………. uniformed.  

By the way… this antibiotic was like the last one I spoke of in an earlier post.  I have no drug  insurance so I always have to pay the cash price when I need something sooner than the ten day wait with the VA.  The cash price at Walmart was $114.32.  I went to a very small… family operated pharmacy… and they filled the prescription for $33.00 for the exact same medicine… cash price.  Shame on Walmart.  I won’t go into a tirade on greed at this moment… but it will probably happen at some point.  Medical expenses and prescription drugs in this country are in a ridiculous partnership with greed.  Isn’t it funny how they have managed to make cancer and its associated affects and treatment such a profitable illness.  Our politicians should be ashamed… but they are not… because those very organizations put too much money into their pockets.  I’m ashamed of America for allowing that to happen.  In a future post, I would like very much to discuss the cancer related non-profit organizations as well.  I can only speak on this subject from a ‘very’ personal point of view and trust me… the discussion won’t be pretty.

Wow… this guy just keeps on blathering… I wonder when he’s going to shut up and get to the cute kitty pics… My apologies for the length.  I seem to be pondering on parchment.  Since I do wander into reality from time to time… I have thought that perhaps they just sent the doc a copy of my last CT scan from the summer.  Lung collapsed 30 percent and pneumonia.  Sounds very familiar.  I noticed that they had my date of birth wrong on the disc I obtained.  Perhaps this report is for someone else.

One more thing before I get to the whole point of this post.  If the pneumonia is once again in the collapsing right lung… why does my chest hurt so much worse on the left side?  Just wondering… 

So to complete this partial update.  I am now on antibiotics for the pneumonia… still coughing up… well… ummm… foreign objects… too weak to walk across my yard without pausing every few yards… short of breath to the point that my shoulders and arms are tingling and prickly from lack of oxygen… especially when I’m trying to sleep… barely able to perform the necessities of life and living… Maybe the Veteran’s Administration will come to my rescue… Umm… not a chance in Hell… Maybe my congressmen and senators will lend a helping hand… Umm… not a chance in the same location…

So how do I manage to keep a positive attitude and a sense of humor?  I have no idea whatsoever… Perhaps lingering in poetic thoughts on my other site, keeps me from dwelling in the sadness of reality for too long… but I can laugh at myself… I can try to bring a smile to the face of one who is suffering… I can hug someone who finds it difficult to laugh because of things they cannot change… or I can lie in the bed and mope.  I’m not good at moping… I look like shit when I mope.  I could feel sorry for myself… but that would just make me feel worse… and probably look worse.  I like my morning coffee… I have to get out of bed in the morning at 5:00 a.m. or earlier… It makes me “feel” better.  I love to watch the first blush of dawn.   It gives me hope when I can get up and turn on the coffee pot and feed my beautiful and loving kitties… including those who are a total pain in the you know what… maybe those who are a pain in the you know what are the most precious… for they are the ones who love to be “un-normal”.  I know and see many people that are worse off than I… that in itself… is most humbling… Perhaps, I… who… by all statistics and prognostications… should no longer be amongst the mortals… offer them at least a glimmer of hope.

Well… this update will have to ‘be continued’… until my appointment with the cancer doctor later in the month.  I remain hopeful that I can survive the ‘pneumonia and collapsing lung’ and continue in my unorthodox and un-normal way of thinking with a smile and a positive attitude until my appointment rolls around.  In the meantime… offer a smile to someone you don’t know… a stranger… We are all in this together… What I ‘do’… ‘say’… ‘think’… and ‘feel’… affects all of us… What you ‘do’… ‘say’… ‘think’… and ‘feel’… affects everyone else as well.  Always remember… We ‘are’ all one.

I will leave you with a couple of pics of those who are a ‘pain in the you know what’… but aren’t they beautiful and precious little creatures…

This one was ornery from the very first day.  Rescued from the mouth of a very large dog along with his brother at about three weeks old.  Maybe he is so ornery because his name is Garfunkel… but along with his brother Simon… it seemed like a good idea at the time.



Oh… don’t let Sophie’s beautiful innocent blue eyes deceive you.  She can be quite the wicked woman.  She was abandoned by her mother when only a few days old and terrified of humans.  She struggled in the cold and wind to survive but was unable to eat or drink.  Even with malnutrition and dehydration, she would crawl into spaces to hide from me until she became so weak and sick that she could no longer crawl.  Obviously she has recovered and although she has suffered some medical repercussions from the trauma of her kittenhood… she is otherwise quite healthy… with an attitude…  

Enjoy every single day of your life.  When shit happens… don’t’ wallow in it… make the best choices you can make… learn from your experiences in life… and smile at another… look into the mirror and smile… for you are most beautiful in the eyes of the universe… or from my perspective… my own reflection is most often the first funny thing I see every morning.

To be continued in about ten days…

Please hug your dogs… your cats… your rabbits… your gerbils… and your aardvarks for me…

Wishing wellness to all of you…



November 2016 Update

November 2016 Update

For those of you who follow this site without following my poetry site… well… you may have thought that I was no longer amongst the mortals.  It has been a long time since my last update, but there has been very few new developments to report except for perhaps… the development of new ways of whining.  Honestly… I try not to do that.  Whenever I do slip into a verbal expression of dissatisfaction concerning my health… the kitties just roll their eyes and ignore me… tell me to chill… or just climb into a box and ignore it.


I’ve read a lot of posts on wordpress and on various sites of the web about how others are dealing with living with cancer and how it affects their lives.  It’s funny though, how nearly all of them write about how it affects their family… their friends… their relationships with others… some even talk about how financially devastating cancer treatments can be (which I would love to delve into eventually on this site)… but few speak of how their own emotions are affected…  how personal such an illness can be… how alone one can feel within him or herself.  It’s almost like wandering lost in a forest.  Is there really someone out there that understands?  I can’t say that I know anyone else that has had cancer in the lymph nodes… the throat… and the lung within a three year time span… severe heart disease on top of that… and survived.  Is there something genetically wrong with me that has caused all of this… or is there something genetically ‘right’ with me that has allowed me to survive this long? Theoretically… I shouldn’t have survived the heart problems I am living with.  The prognosis of my first cancer was twelve months… and yet… here I am… babbling on wordpress.  I don’t have an answer.  Maybe it’s the positive attitude… although it sometimes melts into the world of “Why?”… Researchers should be studying me… perhaps psychologists should be studying me.  Perhaps my un-normal personality has something to do with it… perhaps it is my philosophy of understanding.  Ever checked your philosophy of understanding?  Be careful if you do… it’s often quite scary in there. The last time I checked my philosophy of understanding… I think the look on my face was pretty much like the one below…


In my younger years, I dabbled in writing… just for fun.  A little poetry… a little prose… a story or two of life before the complications.  This was of course before internet servers would fit into Hillary’s basement and when the most well-known Donald in the world was a duck.  All of my penned thoughts, ideas and philosophies were written on actual paper in pen and ink and on occasion… with a real pencil.  Yes… I am “that” old.  Where are all of those papers today?  I have no idea.  I suppose they have been turned into ashes or have biodegraded themselves in some landfill along with the other garbage.  Some of them belong there.  Okay… maybe most of my early writings belong there… but never in my most un-normalness did I ever expect to be someday writing about surviving cancer.  I was invincible in my younger years, like most of us think we are… never once pondering the thought of debilitating illnesses… never once stopping to linger within the idea, that I should take better care of myself to prevent my body from deteriorating in some way or another… but I could always drink a toast to someone else’s good health.  I could always grab a quick burger and fries when time was short or I was too lazy to search for something healthy to eat… and finish off the meal with a cigarette.  There was even a rather short time when I had virtually nothing to eat… nor warm place to sleep.  Do you suppose all of that had anything to do with my heart disease… with having cancer?  Honestly…..  I don’t really think so.  I’m sure that there are many of you and most physicians that will disagree with me on that summation, but honestly… I still don’t think so.  Heart disease from a ‘genetic’ point of view has gathered all of its mutations and twisted my cytosine, adenine, guanine, and thymine into something other than a normal double helix.  Wait………………..   What???……………….. Sorry about the science stuff… It slips out from time to time.  My family’s history of heart disease would tend to indicate that there is indeed a definite connection with genetics.  Does that mean that everyone with a family history of heart disease will eventually experience it?… No.

Now… how in the world can that philosophy lead to cancer?  Well… while that helix was twisting itself into something unique and unusual… some of the cells evidently decided that they must reproduce themselves rapidly to compensate for my un-normal personality or physicality and not pay any attention to the normal signals that tell them that they shouldn’t do that.  Hmmm… kind of like my life as a whole… sometimes thinking that I would like to “fit in”… do exactly as others ‘think’ that I should do… (a very rare occurrence)… but soon discovering that I just wasn’t capable of fitting in to most groups… most crowds… most “normals”… and I would choose a different pathway to wander… even if it meant I would be wandering in the forest alone.


Maybe we should just leave it with the old saying that… well… “shit happens”…  That is, in its crudeness… perhaps the best explanation of it all.

With extremely few exceptions… for me… and I would presume for many who are suffering for one reason or another (and there are many)…. we wander our silent pathway… mostly in a secret aloneness that no one really knows… no one really understands… with no one ever looking quite deep enough into our souls to comprehend the marrow of our consciousness…  That doesn’t mean that there aren’t those who care… those who suffer within themselves because of our own suffering… those who would cure us of all of our suffering if they just had the ability to do so……….  Sometimes they are there right next to us… sometimes they are strangers at a bus stop… in a checkout lane… or someone with a smile crossing the parking lot… but none of them can really understand our own suffering…


Everyone suffers in some way…  through pain… through grief… through heartache… through illness… through caring so deeply for another’s misfortune that they cannot sleep… or eat… or even function to a normal capacity…  I am vividly aware that there are so many others that suffer far more than I… those who are living with illnesses unfathomably more serious than that of my own… those so stricken with grief that the tears could raise the tide… those so restless for the concern of another that sleep cannot be found in the darkness of night, for their mind cannot find the silence… and I cannot tell you of their own suffering… the thoughts that linger in their mind that are never shared with another… their aching for the light that they cannot find within their own seclusion of a bright tomorrow…


What I can tell you… is that every single day… we should shine our own light with the hope that those who suffer in any way… will see that light within their darkness… their aloneness… and know that there is someone… someone that longs to understand… someone that can reach out their hand with a smile and let them feel within their heart… within their mind… within their soul… that there is someone who cares… someone who will stand beside them in the flames and not become breathless from the smoke… someone who loves them for who they are in this very moment…


Perhaps… I have exposed my soul far more than I should have in this post.  Perhaps that is my purpose.  Perhaps I should have stuck with the humor… for it is the smile of another that enlightens the distressed ones… the abused… the oppressed… the exploited… the destitute… those who wander in the wonder of what tomorrow may bring… those who dwell in the wonder of how people who love them will experience life without them, should their humanness become reality and transform them into the worlds of immortality.

I didn’t come to you today with the intention of blathering my emotional state of wonder all over these pages, but I’m not going to edit it or mop up the “… liquids that blend with the soul.”  I actually came here to update you on my progress… or perhaps of my retrogression of dealing with cancer and heart disease.  So….. without further ado….. or whining…

I am still coughing from the results of radiation pneumonitis and fibrosis from the radiation therapy on the right lung.  I get fatigued… weak feeling in the legs and arms with very little exertion.  I am short of breath more often than I am not.  All of this of course could be due to either illness… cancer or heart or even as a result of radiation therapy.  I have to be very stubborn about going to the doctor or to the ER with any ailments or they will want to admit me for my heart symptoms.  Once they get that in their heads… it’s very difficult to convince them that I’m there for something other than my heart.  I still have a great deal of difficulty with my throat… swallowing without choking… laughing without choking… pain around the trachea and within the entire lymph system with the most severe pain down the sides of the neck and the area of the spine that was radiated by default of reaching my lung.

The newest symptoms I have are quite strange to me… and the doctors I’ve seen concerning these symptoms seem to have no clue.  They’ve ruled out the usual possibilities and just admit that they don’t know and send me on my way.  The symptoms… Itching all over… usually with no visible rash… but on occasion a rash does appear… nausea… particularly at night and for a time in the mornings… and a bit of intestinal… umm… un-fortitude… Well… you get the idea.  All of these symptoms come and go… sometimes lasting several days… sometimes just a few hours…but never disappearing for more than a day or two.  Because of this… my oncology doctor has cancelled my routine CT scan of the neck and chest… scheduled for early next year… and scheduled a complete PET scan for the first part of December.  I’m not sure what exactly convinced her to do that… perhaps she is just being cautious and making sure that there isn’t something, once again… lurking inside that will glow in the dark.  It will probably be mid-December before I have the results… unless I can convince the ‘not so friendly’ PET scan technician to slip me a copy of the disc.  Then I can sit in the comfort of my favorite chair and study all of the amazing pics and slices of my insides so that I can draw my own conclusions of things I know absolutely nothing about.  Well… I have learned a little through previous scans and going over them with the doctor… but I have often found things within those pics that they have not… I would bet that they would prefer me not to have my own copy… but it is truly an amazing and interesting image to view.

So, now you are up to date.  I will post another update following the early December PET scan and the doctor’s visit… unless there is something new to share with you before then.  My apologies for all the ‘blah… blah.. blah’ before I got to the details… but I do believe that most will agree with me that the emotional aspect of recovery… of dealing with serious illness… of caring about someone who is suffering in any way… is actually the most difficult to deal with.  I am so well aware of what a positive attitude can do for someone in every situation in life.  Sharing a smile with someone… a hug… a kind word… even if it’s just a casual “good morning” to a stranger passing by… can increase that positive attitude exponentially… whether it’s offered from you or to you. The results of sharing kindness works in every direction… it surrounds you and brightens your already beautiful aura that can be perceived by all who come near to you.  Offer a smile to another… When you pass by that old man walking in the grocery store parking lot… searching for ‘hope’… tell him “Good Morning” like you really mean it.  That old man… just might be me.

You must take time to smell the flowers…


You must laugh out loud whenever and wherever you can… and share that laugh with another…


Reach out to another who is searching… who is aching… who is hurting… who is suffering… who is wandering in the forest alone… and show them that you care…


Share a cup of coffee with someone and take the time to listen… Hug someone like the love wrapped up within it… is truly from your heart… Smile at a stranger and tell them ‘good morning’ like you really mean it… Make sure that those you care about… know it.

I thank everyone with all my heart, for all the caring… the hugs… the encouraging comments… and the healing energies that have been sent my way.  Obviously… they must be working.

Have a most beautiful day… 



July 2016 Update CT Scan

Hmmmm…. Where do I begin with this update?  I received the expected CT scan early last week.  They handed me a copy of the CD with the pictures of my lungs.  I was excited to get home and analyze the data on my laptop.  Having spent lots of time investigating previous PET scans and learning a lot about reading the information, particularly after viewing it along with the doctor… I was fairly confident that the CT info would be a piece of cake to understand.  I was wrong.  I looked at the pics over and over again and although I was able to determine some areas that didn’t appear normal, I was completely lost in my self-diagnosis.  I had to wait anxiously for the call from the doctor after she received a copy of the report.

I received a call from my Radiology Oncologist’s office the following day… not the doctor herself by the way… but from the nurse.  I admit, the nurse is very knowledgeable in this field of study and I appreciated her conversation and responding to the questions that I had the mind set to ask in that moment, although some remained unanswered.  I have since developed a number of questions… okay… several pages of questions… that I’m not certain that ‘anyone’ can answer with any degree of accuracy.

The nurse said that I had Pulmonary Pneumonitis/Fibrosis with scarring.  Not reversible.  Symptoms could possibly be lessened somewhat with steroids, but no cure and symptoms may worsen with time.

As all of you know who have followed my recovery process of radiotherapy for lung cancer, I will indeed tell it like it is.  So… directly from the report… this is the good the bad and the ugly of it all.


Focal area of consolidation posteromedial right lower lobe at the base of the hemithorax measuring approximately 9 cm in size consistent with radiation pneumonitis.  Adjacent pleural effusion.  The consolidation obscures the site of the previously noted pulmonary nodule.

As you already know from previous updates… I did my research.  I’m still very much confused as to where I stand exactly.

Pulmonary Consolidation is a region of normally compressible lung tissue that has filled with liquid marked by induration (swelling or hardening of normally soft tissue) of a normally aerated lung.  It is… Alveolar space that contains liquid instead of gas.  The liquid can be pulmonary edema, inflammatory exudate, pus, inhaled water, or blood.


Pulmonary edema can be a number of things and caused by a number of things, mostly due to the heart.  Since radiation therapy can also cause edema, well… I’m going with that… even though… well… you are all familiar with my various heart conditions.

Inflammatory exudate is well… like pus… Sorry… I know you didn’t want to read that word in any form.

Inhaled water?   I don’t think that I have drowned yet… so I’ll rule that one out….

And then there is blood.  Since the mucous associated with the cough has a pink tinge to it… I’ll assume that at least a portion of that liquid is blood.  From what?… I have no idea.

Radiation Pneumonitis… Inflammation of the lung.  Symptoms… Shortness of breath, dry cough (mine’s not so dry), low-grade fever, chest tightness, chest pain, and general malaise including fatigue and weakness.  I can say ‘yes’ to all of the above, with the addition of pink in the not so dry cough.

Pulmonary Fibrosis… a respiratory disease in which scars are formed in the lung tissue leading to serious breathing problems.  Scar formation, the accumulation of excess fibrous connective tissue (fibrosis) leads to thickening of the walls and causes reduced oxygen supply in the blood.  As a consequence patients suffer with perpetual shortness of breath and a list of other factors.

I know that I must be boring most of you with all this information, but a journal being written in order to demonstrate a true study of a patient’s journey through cancer and associated treatments must include some technical and detailed information.  Sometimes I bore myself with this stuff and often it becomes such a heavy prey on my mind that I have to stop and read one of my more humorous poems… like “Poultry Poetry” or “The Finger”.  After reading them and realizing how un-normal my mind works at certain times, I realize that there are still plenty of things in this world that are not so serious after all and laughter can be so very healing… even if it is just temporary.  If you have tired of the technical crap… or just don’t want to delve into the details… please scroll down to the green line and enjoy what my dearest friends have had to say about it all…

Pleural effusion:  the build-up of excess fluid between the layers of the pleura outside the lungs.  The pleura are thin membranes that line the lungs and the inside of the chest cavity and act to lubricate and facilitate breathing.  Symptoms include… Chest pain, dry, nonproductive cough, shortness of breath, labored breathing, the inability to breathe easily unless the person is sitting up straight or standing erect.  Again… all symptoms fit… with the exception of the not so dry cough and the fact that the inability to breath easily is present in ‘all’ positions.

It seems that all of these things associated with the diagnosis, all have virtually the same symptoms.  What symptoms come from what?  Nobody knows… not even Wikipedia.

So… where do I go from here?  What’s the next step?  The area of the lung which contained the malignancy most recently is hidden by the scar tissue.  How do we know if it raises its ugly head once again in the same area?  The nodule was still there on the last PET scan.  Hmmm…

No cure for Pulmonary Fibrosis… Corticosteroids have side effects that can cause atrial fibrillation which I already have… irregular heartbeat, which I already have… it can affect the firing mechanism of the heart which in my case is located in a remote area quite un-normal… the lower center portion of the heart instead of in the atrium… which often causes the chambers of my heart to beat out of synchronicity with one another.  Hmmm…. maybe I should just deal with the symptoms instead of the odds that the medicine carries with it.  The medical professionals have offered ‘no’ alternatives.

I’m really confused… finding myself in a dilemma that no one seems to have any kind of a solution to resolve.  The good news is (well… I guess the ‘good’ part depends on your point of view)… but the ‘good’ news is that I’ve had cancer in three areas including the lymph nodes of the neck and the lung and in spite

of the fact that my heart was too diseased to tolerate chemotherapy or surgical removal of the cancerous areas… I have survived.  The bad news is… (and there seems to be only one point of view for this one)… after having cancer in three different locations over a period of the last three years, the odds of it appearing in some new remote location are quite high… which would mean more radiation… which would just perpetuate the vicious cycle.

So… to my wonderful and enlightening readers and followers…. Any suggestions?


I have discussed the matter with a couple of my dearest friends and taken to heart their sincerest ideas and solutions… I’ll share a few of them with you.

Oliver (Ollie) has suggested a number of ideas to deal with my dilemma.  His first suggestion was that I just put my paws over my ears and don’t listen to all the negative things the doctors are telling me…

Cover your ears

He then told me that if that wasn’t successful that I could just cover my eyes so that I couldn’t read all those terrible things about my illnesses that I research online…

Hide your eyes 2

His last idea was that if both of those ideas failed… that I could just play dead.

Play dead

Miracle had this to say….

If you find yourself in the uncomfortable and embarrassing position of having a monkey on your back…

Monkey on your back

there is just one thing that you can do…

He told me that if you really want to solve a dilemma, there  was truly only one way to take care of it for certain… Crawl into a cardboard box… close yourself off from all the stress and commotion of the world around you… sink deeply into the tranquility, solitude and silence… and the answers to all your questions will appear before you… or at least… all your problems will seem to fade… and you will begin to have wonderful thoughts about wallowing like an idiot in some catnip… I think Miracle just might be a very wise little creature.

Miracle in the box

I’ll be looking very forward to your comments… open to your suggestions… or perhaps you might choose to share some of your own dilemmas… or maybe you could just send me the pics of you wallowing in the catnip…

Hope your day is most beautiful….