It is February… it must be time for an update on my physical and perhaps… mental confusion… umm… I mean condition. I must start by saying that at this time last year… I was just finishing up the radiation treatments on my lung… so I have made it through a whole year without additional radiation… which I am sure that my body is happy about and I am most certain that my mental state is pleased as well. The burned area of skin on the back has healed but remains visible as a darkened red area against my normally pallid skin. The main improvement to that area is that ‘it doesn’t hurt any more’…
Now… the inside of that right chest area is of course a different subject all together. I am still experiencing difficulties with breathing… with pain in the rib cage and lung area. I am still plagued with pneumonia and symptoms thereof… basically since June of last year… with inflammation of the lining of the lung and symptoms thereof… with about a third of that lung remaining in its collapsed state… and symptoms thereof… It remains difficult to breathe deeply… especially without pain… coughing and sneezing also causes pain. Shortness of breath is quite prevalent nearly all the time but amplified with even some light exertion… (I can’t sing loudly any more… so that is probably a benefit for my neighbors). Some of the symptoms had subsided (mainly dealing with pain in the chest and decreased coughing) while taking several rounds of antibiotics… but it seems that once those medications wear off… I am back to the same symptoms. The cough had improved for a couple of weeks but is now more prevalent again. I am unable most of the time to clear my throat, as it feels as though there is… well… we’ll just call it ‘something’… hanging around the area of the larynx. I can seldom get it cleared… even hot liquids don’t help. Sometimes I cannot speak after remaining quiet for a long period of time or my voice sounds garbled, like some kind of alien being… Hmmm… maybe I am. I choke frequently. I choke on food and on liquids. There are times where I am not sure I will recover from the choking spells. Doctors don’t seem to want to discuss this for some reason. I’m not sure why… perhaps I should just confront them and ask… Why the hell don’t you address this choking and clogged up throat. Maybe they don’t find it significant enough to “waste” their precious time on… or perhaps there is very little that they can do about it. Maybe if they choked every time I did… they would see it in a different light. I suppose it is all due to damage of that area of the throat from the previous radiation therapy.
So… let’s boil it down… I cough… I choke… I can’t clear my throat… my chest hurts continually… I’m always short of breath… and I can’t do shit. (sorry… but it seemed appropriate) Oh… and extremely hard (and loud) hiccups occur every time I eat and often when I drink… even water. Trust me… You don’t want to go out to dinner with me… unless you have a really warped sense of humor… like mine.
The heart is certainly still an issue. My cardiologist advised me that if I had arrhythmias on an everyday basis… that we will address the issue. I told him I have many arrhythmias every minute of every day… he said… without looking up from his computer… see you in three months. He never listened to my heart while I was there. (Is he ‘really’ a cardiologist?) He supposedly listened to my lungs and advised me that they sounded clear… with a very current CT scan that shows pneumonia… collapsed lung… and inflammation of the lung lining… an echocardiogram that was done that very morning that indicated the chambers beating out of sync… and multiple symptoms… What planet is he from anyway? Perhaps ‘he’ is the alien being.
Before you say it… I am searching for a new one. I realize that he is lacking in sufficient knowledge of his field of practice. I was transferred to him when my ‘good’ cardiologist retired. I won’t go to the VA cardiologists because… well… it’s a rather long story… but I have been to them on several occasions and their form of treatment is to send you to someone else… and I don’t travel well and they know that. They just pass you around until you give up the fight. To use a word that you may have read earlier in this post… they really don’t give a shit… and to the Veteran’s Administration… I’m not sorry for saying that… You should be ashamed of what you do… and what you don’t do. I am saddened by those veterans who have suffered far more than I… and haven’t the means to go elsewhere.
Well….. wasn’t that little story an enlightening adventure. Where is that sense of humor that I profess to maintain through all this stagnation? Don’t worry… it is still here… except most of my sense of humor as of late is spent laughing at myself. Damn I’m old. Every morning I look into the mirror I see an old man that is at least twice as old as I am. I don’t know what he thinks he is doing by peering at me from inside that mirror… but I wish he would stop making those funny faces so early in the morning. He has a very warped sense of humor.
I must tell you what prompted this update… It was what I found outside my door… bathing in the late afternoon sun… snuggling close to the stone doorstep… absorbing the warmth on an unseasonably warm February day. My first thought as I observed it standing proudly within it’s ‘beautiful-ness’… was that it was a most wonderful ‘vision of hope’… delivered to my doorstep from all of those who care… wandering through our universe and beyond… from those who have sent to me their warmest hugs… offered me their most heart felt prayers… shared with me their healing energies… brought so many smiles to my wrinkling face… and brightened my days and my every night. I wanted to share your gift to me… your vision of hope… with all of you… and I offer you my greatest and most humble gratitude.
Today, the temperature is expected to set an all time record somewhere in the 80’s F. It just “ain’t” right for February in the southern plains of America. I’m wondering what spring storms may be lurking for April and May.
I do expect more of those little spring beauties to appear over the next few days and hopefully I will be able to capture their magnificence to share with you. Although… my little inexpensive camera has oddities on the inside of the lens that is apparently not accessible to old men.
You know of course… I will not leave you without an adorable kitty pic. This time it comes with a bit of a message for us all….
A little background on Mr. Miracle. When he appeared on my doorstep as a kitten of only a few weeks old… he was suffering drastically from malnutrition… dehydration… a very large sore at the base of his tail that was terribly infected… his entire body covered with oil and dirt. He was a mess… a very, very sick kitten… His name came about by the fact that the vet proclaimed it a miracle that he was even alive. As you can tell… he has found wellness and endless amounts of love in his current environment… His message to all of us… is this…
“You must learn to live and love within the moment… whatever the circumstances you find before you… even if your cardboard box is a bit too small.”
Wishing you all a most beautiful day…
Miracle and Michael33