Brain Fog or Overload?

Yes… I know.  Don’t Google your illness. Too late…  In my defense… I have done my very best to separate the fiction from the facts and have only studied the information from very reputable sites.  I know… I could have it all wrong… or it could be like my reading of the scan results… partly right and partly wrong.  

I must confess… this latest diagnosis is kicking me in the mental butt.  I don’t know if that means that I have my head up my ass or what… but I am indeed having a difficult time getting my thoughts straight.  For those of you who would rather not read this… that is perfectly alright… after all… it is just a journal… a documentation of personal events… and this entry into this journal will most likely… not lift your spirits.  I have chosen to include along with all the details of tests and procedures, the mental turmoil that may accompany this illness and I know that there are those that don’t want to know.  I should have become one of those before I investigated all the information I could find… but as most of you already know… I’m a curious soul.  I’m not going to let someone else decide my fate without obtaining as much knowledge as I possibly can.   

Here’s a few of the details that I left out of the last post.  The size of the tumor in the hilar lymph node area is 29mm.  When I think of millimeters, I tend to think that whatever has measurements in millimeters must be relatively small.  In this case… it seems to not be the case.  The normal size for the lymph nodes in the hilum is 1 centimeter… (10 millimeters for those of you who still dwell in the antiquated imperial system like me.) 

The tumor that has taken up residency in the lymph node of the right hilum of the lung is almost three times the size of the normal lymph node.  What I can say about this is that any other part of me that has swollen to three times its normal size… hurts like hell.  I suppose that would explain a lot of the pain I experience in the right chest and mid chest areas.  At that size, it must also be putting a great deal of pressure on the pulmonary artery and veins, the bronchial arteries and all that garbage that pass through the hilum.  Along with the fact that the lower and middle portion of that same lung has collapsed… I suppose I needn’t wonder why I’m so short of breath. 

The tumor in the subcarinal area is about the same size.  That tumor is located directly below where the windpipe splits to feed the lungs.  The diseased node is on the right bronchus immediately after the split.

Further diagnosing of myself with my medically uneducated mind… I have unofficially determined that I fall into the T4 N2 M0 or maybe M1 (I’m not sure) category… which places me kind of in between stage 3B and stage 4.  The prognosis for patients with cancer in the Hilum and Subcarinal areas… that has metastasized from other areas… (Lungs)… shows a survival rate of 5 to 8 percent…………………………… Well………. Shit!!!!!!!!!!!!  What else can I say?

Radiotherapy to these areas is quite dangerous, as you would think.  I don’t need to read a lot of information to know that.  They are very near the heart which I already have a great deal of trouble with.  When the hilum gets radiated, so does all the vessels, nerves and airways that pass through it.  I’ve already been warned by my radiation oncologist of what might happen to the esophagus with radiation to the subcarinal area… and how does one radiate a lymph node (subcarinal) that lays against the windpipe, without radiating the windpipe?  It’s not pretty. 

Most studies that I have found involve surgery, chemotherapy and then radiation.  I’m too high a risk for surgery or chemo.  There are very few that speak only of radiation therapy without the other two procedures.  Of course, as we already know from past experience… I’m normally in the “un-normal” categories, if I fit into any category at all.

So… someone please tell me what to do, because I am at a loss… a complete loss.  It seems that I am searching for hope on my own Vision of Hope33 site.  Whatever that means… I’m not sure.  It seems I’m not really sure of anything in this moment.  Who am I anyway? 

Oh, yeah… I remember…

Michael33… the one who’s been beating the odds for twenty years.

Change of subject matter:

These little creatures seem to not have a care in the world.  Of course… they don’t Google.  They do live a bit dangerously though… having a pool party in the kitties water bowl may not be the smartest thing to do… but they sure look like they’re having a lot of fun… and they even invited me.

Pool Party 1


10 thoughts on “Brain Fog or Overload?

  1. You asked that somebody tell you what to do. PLEASE: Do call the Bio-Medical Hoxsey center in Tijuana, Mexico. I believe I copied and pasted the address and phone to you? Patients from the states and elsewhere who go there survive. If you need it, again, please email me at : – I will happily resupply it, and give you a wealth of contact info. ❤ The Rockefellers dictated what medical schools should teach when they first opened their doors in the US, and sound nutrition was NOT among the syllabi. There is revolutionary evidence available to you. Please, do seek it!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You’ve beaten the odds so far, just keep doing it! Have you researched Cancer Centers of America? I think I mentioned this before. I have no knowledge of their success rate but have heard they do incredible things. Of course, my thoughts and prayers are always with you, my friend. Stay strong ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    • Good morning Dorinda… hope you are enjoying a most beautiful Friday. I have researched The Cancer Centers… at least to some extent. My insurance will only pay a portion and the copays are out of my reach at this time. I have also heard mostly good things about them, but have also read a few negatives concerning the expense involved. I think they do really good work there… it’s just too expensive for many of us to consider. You know the health care in America… the wealthy live to a ripe old age because they can afford good health care.

      I would like to thank you for standing by me through my journey. It is exactly those of you who continue to offer your thoughts, prayers, and encouragement that gives me reason to always “hope”…

      Hope you have a wonderful day…



      • I’m always here if you need to vent, chat, whatever. My hubby is a cancer survivor (27 yrs now) so I know what the diagnosis’s and the waiting, etc, is all about. Hang in there, dear Michael!! Give the kitties a hug from me, and one to you, too 🙂


  3. Have you seen if you qualify for Immunotherapy. Also ask about 23 and Mes genetic testing. Its supposedly opening doors. I was on Cymbuxtamab but that coukd be for colon cancer. It holds tumor growth at bay. And dare I say it? The magic of cannabis?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Most of the studies being done that I have inquired of… are quick to inform me that I do not qualify for their research projects due to my underlying severe heart condition. They are all afraid to include me in their study because I could easily affect their statistics in a negative way. I do understand their philosophy, but it is a bit sad that one who has multiple illnesses is not permitted to participate in research that may indeed cure them of one of those diseases… but that is the world of scientific explorations. They can only allow certain variables to be included or they may not get accurate results. As a biology major… I certainly understand that reasoning.

      I’m still very hopeful that there will be something that comes along that will help. It seems as though one illness is often greatly affected by the other or by the treatments received for the other. I’m sure you have had similar experiences in your long journey with this illness.

      Cannabis… yeah… well… My state recently passed the medical marijuana law but they are making it so difficult on growers, suppliers and even patients to meet the mandatory requirements that I doubt I will actually see it available to me… but should that happen… I’m certainly not one to close my mind to the possibilities it may offer.

      It’s good to hear from you Linda… I hope all is well with you.

      Wishing you many beautiful moments in your day…



  4. Hi, Michael!
    Here is an email I just received from Ty Bollinger. It contains two links, one from Chris Wark, who was diagnosed with advanced cancer at age 26 – in 2003!!! (Yes; he’s still thriving!) Please, read the email, okay? And, click on the links to learn invaluable things about how you might proceed. Thanks!

    Hi Ruth A,

    A cancer diagnosis can barrel into your life like a runaway freight train, with potentially deadly consequences.

    One minute, you’re at the doctor getting something minor checked out and then the next minute…

    “You have cancer.”

    Then your doctor (even though well meaning) bombards you with a whirlwind of treatments you have to do immediately, while your head’s still spinning from the diagnosis.

    And your next steps can mean the difference between life or death.

    Go here to see the step-by-step solution to treating and beating cancer.

    My good friend (and cancer survivor) Chris Wark understands this all too well.

    In December 2003 (just two days before Christmas), when he was just 26yrs old, he was diagnosed with advanced cancer.

    He was immediately rushed into the cancer treatment system, but a decision he made a few weeks later changed everything and saved his life.

    So what was his hardest decision?

    I’ll let him tell you.

    Ty Bollinger

    P.S. Discover Chris’s powerful journey back to health, and learn how you can start your own healing journey… that could save your life.

    Go here to see how he beat cancer and what you should do to


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s