The Crap of it All

The crap of it all…

Let’s get the crap out of the way first.  I feel like $#!+… What in the world have I ever done to bring this wrath of the universe upon myself?  Oh, yeah… birth.  If we plan our lives before we are born like some people and books have suggested… were we in our right mind when we did so?  Life has so many beautiful moments… and several thousand pounds of crap.  Does all the manure we wade through without galoshes somehow enlighten our soul?  Well… my answer might surprise you.  I do believe that it is all the crap we endure throughout our lives that helps to make us… a better human being… to bring elightenment to our souls.  It all boils down to how we handle all that crap.

Have you ever spent a day in a room where chemotherapy is being administered to a large group of people attempting to survive various forms of cancer?  Have you lived with or been close to someone who is dealing with serious side effects of radiation therapy?  Have you lingered in the waiting room with those just trying to find a way to still be here tomorrow?  If you have, then you have seen their lights shining.  I have met some very personable, caring, compassionate souls along my journey through cancer… some of them patients… some of them the people who care about those patients… some of them those taking care of those patients.  They cast a beautiful light into the world and eagerly share that light with others who are wandering in the darkness.  When you see them… don’t just pass them by… take just a moment to let them know that you care.  You’ll be surprised how many candles you may light along the way… and in return… brighten your own light.

Okay… the update… I have completed twelve sessions of radiation.  Much of my “innards” feel burned.  The cough has worsened but the tightness of that cough is not quite as bad.  The infection… well… it seems to be lingering a bit.  I feel a tiny bit better but still running fever mostly from early afternoon throughout the evening… with a very low grade in the early morning.  The doc is not sure why it goes up around the same time of day… every day.  As for changing antibiotics… she wants me to finish the one I am taking and then we will determine whether to extend this antibiotic or change to another.  I have three doses remaining so that will be determined on Monday… Maybe.

The skin on the back is well sunburned but not too sore as yet.  When I swallow… the esophagus feels as though something is scraping against raw tissue.  I suppose it feels that way because… it ‘is’ that way.  When I try to eat… I get an unusual pain that shoots from the stomach up into the esophagus to about mid chest level.  I haven’t ever experienced this type of pain in that area so I’m not sure why it is happening… but I am certain that it is radiation related.  It’s a hard pain… like a heart attack… but in a different location.  Luckily… it only lasts seconds at a time… but happens several times during each meal… no matter what I am eating.

I am somewhat dehydrated.  I’m drinking lots of liquids… mostly water and those drinks that replenish electrolytes.  I don’t like the taste, but they do seem to help the situation… so I’ll drink them.

I’m looking forward to the two days off from the zapper.  Last weekend was not pleasant due to various reasons, so I am hopeful for a better weekend this time around.


I think I am just going to join Miracle relaxing on a beautiful September morn on the sunporch and relax… ponder philosophically about life and love… and drink… ummm… responsibly of course.

Wishing you a most beautiful weekend as well…



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