Yesterday was the first treatment. Things went well I suppose… The alignment went good. Four x-rays were taken for the alignment from different angles and two of the crosses were re-marked. The tape placed on my left side had caused considerable irritation to the skin so it was removed. The tape on the chest was left in place and although it isn’t really irritating the skin… it is irritating me… so I’m hopeful it will be removed in the near future. The tape is there simply to protect the markings (crosses) from fading so much that they can’t find them at the next treatment. All of that… because they were unable to use new permanent tattoos due to the fact that the old tattoos are still visible and might cause confusion aligning the zapper machine. What? I know that sentence was a little confusing, but you get the main idea.
Radiation was administered from six different angles from the back, around the right side to the front. One was administered from the left side back – diagonally through the back to the chest. Seven new trajectories of attack. Although, through experience… I have come to realize that the first few sessions of radiation just pisses off the tumor. Yep… makes it madder than hell. It squirms, pokes, tries to seal off more of the lung than it has already conquered and then… tries to cause as much irritation as it possibly can. But I’m ready for it this time. Not that it will ease the physical consequences… but mentally… I’m prepared. So go ahead you little bastard… let it rip… we’re going to destroy you in the end.
Do I put a little too much of reality into these posts? Sometimes… when I’m writing about my feelings… about the pain… about all the mental anguish that seems to be borne within all that is “cancerous”… I tend to just tell it like it is… My apology… if it in any way offends you. But this is a journal of life… life dealing with metastatic cancer… to the degree that no one should have actually survived. I will always tell it like it is… so… if this sort of truth… this reality of which I face every hour of every day bothers you in any way… then please… don’t continue reading these posts.
There are so many victims of this… one of the most horrible of diseases. I know that there are many out there that can relate to most of what I have to say… some of them… facing even more difficult challenges than I. For those of you who have someone you care about in this type of situation, your own challenges can often become nearly unbearable. Bless you for caring and for showing that you care… I only hope that your blessings are even greater if you are one of the very few who can actually stand in the fire with the one struggling to survive any life threatening illness. It is never easy for them… or for you.
I’ll keep this post short. I’m off to the second round of zapping this morning and I’m told I will be seeing the doc as well. Not sure why she wants to see me today since I saw her last week. I’m sure I’ll manage to come up with a question or two for her. I’ve actually gone down hill since the last post… the coughing has become considerably worse… pain has become stronger in various areas of the chest… more congestion… more difficulty breathing… hurts even worse to take a deep breath… and some serious aching in the lymph glands of the neck and under the arms… and sleeping has become nearly impossible.
The good news is… my lower back is a tiny bit better. So I’ll celebrate that part… however… I’ll celebrate it very carefully so not to irritate it any more than it already is.
So… when I return home today from being extirpated… umm… I mean radiated… I think I’ll crawl into my cardboard box… get cozy… and sip on a glass of Irish Cream… umm… I mean… – Boost.
Have a most beautiful day!